Where in the world is Markie San Dimas?

Just had to give the new iPhone WordPress app a spin.

Really? 6.25%?

“Now is the time.” I heard Father Patrick speak those words during a homily over 5 months ago and I knew in an instant, in the blink of an eye, they had been said by the Spirit and I knew I was one to whom they were directed. I don’t mean that Father intentionally spoke those words to me directly that morning, I just knew in the deepest place in my heart that he might as well have.

Last night Father was over to our house to meet with Barb and I for our normal Tuesday night Catechumen sessions. Being that it his first visit to our home, he walked around the living room taking in the various photos we have of family hanging about and remarked how quickly time goes by; “It’s a vapor” Father said. Then sitting down close to me and looking right into my heart he said in the most serious of tones once more “…so now is the time, now is the time!” And just as those words had hit the center of my being some five months earlier, so they did again, and so the question remains: how will I respond this time?

There is no doubt in my mind that I took the first utterance of that phase very seriously. In fact I made some difficult, real changes to several aspects of my life that were completely out of control, and by God’s grace and mercy have seen wonderful, fresh glimpses of the life of Christ being formed in my core. But I also know that God wants to give me so much more of himself. His life laid down for mine so that I might lay down mine and gain His.

Father gave us more then a few recommendations last night regarding some things he suggested we should read and also some things we could do to prepare ourselves for our first confessions as Catechumen. Honestly, at first, I was slightly overwhelmed, internally searching through my regularly scheduled life in search of an extra minute or two in which to add the additional activities. But it was echoing in me: “NOW is the time!”

So this morning I did a quick little estimate of the time I actually have available and the time I intentionally give to God. Presently, not counting those days I spend in worship with the Church, Saturday night and Sunday Morning, I manage to give to God approximately 10 minutes in the morning for prayer and then about 5 minutes at the end of each day in examine of my day before praying Psalm 50 (that’s 51 to all you evangelicals out there) and closing my eyes. Now I’m not saying that I don’t consider or ponder the things of the Spirit at other times, I do, I’m just talking about time I set aside ALMOST everyday. That’s out of a 24 hr period.

Now I can hear some of you saying, yeah but you sleep for 6-8 hours of that. Ok, I’ll give you that, so now I’m down to 15 minutes out of a 16 hr period. I feel way better. Some might argue, wait, surely you can’t count the time you’re at work. We obviously need to work and often our minds are so occupied between the hours of 9-5-well surely I can’t count that time? Ok, I’ll give you that one as well so now I’m down to what I do with my eight remaining waking, non working hours. Wow, now I’m almost off scott-free. In fact I might just be a spiritual giant!

6.25% of my 8 hours are set apart for God. I’m actually surprised that it’s that high, but I did ask my CPA wife and she gave me that number. I’m not trying to beat up on myself or saying that number needs to 10% or 50% or whatever! The number isn’t the important thing, it’s my heart and I’m just saying that I’m hearing the still small voice again, and it’s not in the thunder, the earthquake or the wind. No, it’s meek and soft, almost a whisper; “Now is the time.”

The bottom line is that I make plenty of time for those things I really love; My Macs, my Nikon, my TV shows, my photography books and magazines. God wants to give me so much more, but it seems that I’m already so full of everything else. Lord have mercy on me. Help me to love you at least as much as these other things, at least that would be a start. “Now is the time.”

Yeah!

Woo Hoo! No I’m not a happy Wamu customer; I just sold my first photographic print. Someone actually wanted a print from my gallery. Ok, ok, so it was my Niece Kelly. Hey, a sale is a sale is a sale. Yes, yes, yes that’s right I did only sell it for the cost of postage, but quit bringing me down! Someone actually wanted one of my prints. It was so cool to see an 11×14 color masterpiece roll off my Epson 1800 and know it’s going to be on a wall not in my house. So woo hoo! Turns out Bonkers-oh sorry, I’ve called her Kelly Bonkers since she was a baby-turns out she loves architecture and wanted a shot I did called “Building Study“. You can click on that if you want to see it.

So that’s it, no deep thoughts for the day, no rants or raves, just a thank you to Kelly, oh and to my wife as well for putting up with my incessant dreaming. I promise, once I’ve made it to the top, I won’t forget all the little people I had to step on to get there.

The Question

Yesterday was Pentecost, Father’s Day, and a wonderful and unique day for Barb and I as well. Yesterday we were officially accepted as Catechumen at St. Peters Orthodox Church. Just today Debbie Z. posted a cool blog about what it was like from her perspective and I don’t want to simply revisit the occasion, what I really want to do in this post is write about the why and how.

First let me just say how incredibly grateful I am to our great God for bringing us to this point. When I look back at several of my posts from even a few months ago, I would have never believed we’d be where we are today. In fact as recently as my post of March 3rd this year I wrote about the dark place I had been in for the last year or so. I wrote of how God had challenged me in Father Patrick’s Homily of Forgiveness Sunday; Now was the time, Father Patrick said over and over, and oh my was it ever.

When I first approached Orthodoxy I came with so many questions and so many self-made objections that needed to be addressed. But in very typical “God fashion”–at least for me–He did not address them in any way I would have typically looked for them to be addressed. Give me a book to read, an authority to question! I’d spend so many nights locked in a struggle with myself, in my mind, running through every possible scriptural objection I could find, waiting for the next encounter with that “authority” so that I could stump them and send them crying home to the monastery!

Funny, those objections now seem so unimportant.

When Barb, who was completely resistant to Orthodoxy from the beginning, began to soften her heart to God and stepped out and began to follow me to St, Peters, I actually found myself afraid of going forward. I knew my wife was a person who, once she feels something was right to do, would run after it with everything she had–and she has. (See my post “what have you done with my wife?”) When she decided that God was calling her forward and that the time to change her heart had come, I began to realize that our becoming Orthodox might actually become a reality. All my objections, questions and fears of my families interrogations suddenly became overwhelming to me and I felt like doing what I have so often done before: that’s right, the ole’ cut and run. But then over the course of a many days, very gently and almost imperceptibly, a question began to take shape in my mind that made all the difference and finally dispersed all my remaining objections. The question? Simply this: If not here, then where? If not now, then when?

I found myself feeling very much like the Apostles when our Lord asked them if they would desert him as so many others were doing after he spoke pointedly of drinking his blood and eating his flesh. Do you remember their answer? “Where else can we go, you have the words of life?” It seemed I was at an impasse. What could I do? Where could I go? When would I finally decided to lay it all on the line as I had challenged so many others to do before me. Since my early twenties I have sought and longed for the Church of the New Testament. I have hungered after a church life that would hold me accountable to those with whom I was in communion. I think I rightly saw many years ago that a call to the Person and therefore Body of Christ was not a call to individuality but a call to lay down one’s life for the sake of his friends. I knew in my heart that when St. Paul said, “when one member suffers all members suffer” was not just a pretty platitude for a refrigerator magnet. Paul did not say “We SHOULD suffer, he said we DO!” No, it meant that for the Body to function properly ALL members are needed and my weakness did not simply effect me as an individual, but it effected all those with whom I was in communion. Now here I stood amidst a people who believe that too, and I was scared. I have longed for a Father figure to whom I could confess the deepest darkness of my heart, but now that the figure stood before me in flesh and blood, I could touch him and see him. I was afraid.

If not here, then where? If not now, then when?

I think we sometimes read the scripture I just mentioned and think that the apostles declaration meant they believed in Jesus without question or doubt. Had everything suddenly come into focus for them? A cursory reading of the story as it follows shows they were far from it, but this one thing they “knew”–He had the “words of life”, and so they followed. Do I still have questions? Yup, sure do. But if not here, then where? If not now, then when?

Lord Jesus Christ Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner. Bring me to your table and let me feast upon you. Your life for my life. The knowledge of YOU for my questions. Praise be to the Eternal Father, Son and Holy Spirit, may we never be the same! Amen

And thank you to my Son David who so kindly walked with me through it all and to Rico Monge to whom I owe a huge apology for the way I assailed him and his character. May God be forever glorified in my weaknesses.

Photoblog Update

Nothing earth shattering tonight. Just wanted to let everyone know that I just posted several new images to my photoblog. If you’re interested you’ll find it HERE. If you have the time please leave a comment or two. I’d love to hear your thoughts, no matter what they might be.

Peace be to all.

I Need to Pray

When I’m not feeling well, and by that I mean any manifestation additional to my M.D., my unfortunate normality is to become cranky and irritable. Typically in the past during these times, I have found that the last thing I desire to do is the very thing I need to do the most: Pray. Tonight I was forced to miss Vespers and a class on Salvation being taught by Father that I really wanted to attend, so… that’s right, I’m cranky. But strangely I feel drawn to prayer, and trust me this is no small thing, Maybe I’m beginning to experience what up till now has been mere theory in my Church life. Maybe how I am practicing my faith with other believers is actually having an impact on my normality.  Maybe attending services that are so prayer-centric has begun to create a new normality for me, a new conditional response if you will. Could it be that the life of the Church  is somehow getting into me?  Wow, what a concept, a Church life that is actually forming and maturing me! Thanks be to God and none too soon.

So tonight I offer up a prayer I say with my morning prayers that just seems somehow appropriate to the moment.

Whether in my humiliation or in my exaltation,
In my sickness or in my health,
In my creativity or my mundane activity,
In my great possession or my deepest poverty,
In my highest joy or my lowest sorrow,
Glorify yourself in me O Lord,
In this life, Your life!
And may I live this day in a manner that is worthy of the price you paid.

Amen

Forgive me family for allowing my physical well being to affect my demeanor. You are all my joy and you deserve so much better. With Christ and His Church along side us, we will see better days.

Matins at 6

Those who know me best know that I am at my best after the sun has set and night has fallen. I have often noted to family and friends that I was really “designed” to be a road musician. I am built for late nights, strange places, new hotels every night and–and this is what is germane to this post–sleeping in until at least 10AM. So it was with more than a little angst that I learned that Saint Peter’s holds weekday Matins at 6AM. Being new to the Orthodox Way, Barb and I are having a wonderful time immersing ourselves in as much of the Orthodox experience as we can make time for in our schedules. But there has to be a limit somewhere; doesn’t there? 6AM?

I had attended several Sunday morning Matins services at St. Luke’s before coming over to St. Peter’s, but those services began at a reasonable 9AM. Heck, even I can do a 9AM. I remember when I was on staff at the Vineyard and our Senior Pastor Tom, wanted to begin having two services on Sunday mornings. My first thought? Well it wasn’t, O how convenient for the congregation. No, my first thought was how in the world am I going to be able to wake up at 6AM in order to get to the church by 7AM in order to be ready to sing by 8AM? Anyone who is reading this and is a singer knows what a scary thing singing at 8 in the morning can be, let alone 6, but that’s a different story. My wife on the other hand closes shop around 9PM each night and springs out of bed to do her devotions and exercise before 5. That’s right 5AM! …I have no idea.

Last Monday was Memorial Day and as I usually do I began on Friday to look forward to a leisurely time lying in bed with Barb enjoying a holiday off and talking our time to enter into the day busying ourselves with activities. On the Sunday before the holiday I awoke feeling very odd. We’d been passing around some type of stomach aliment and I was beginning to wonder if perhaps we’d eaten something that was biting back. So, for the sake of all those in our Parish, I decided to remain at home and only share my discomfort with Minnie Mouse our Rat Terrier. As the morning bloomed I was surprised at how strongly I missed being with the Church that morning. I felt an emptiness as I laid there at it was not the result of the malady. So much so, that when Barb finally came home I blurted out “Maybe we should get up and go to Matins in the morning?” All right this has just gone too far! How deeply is this Orthodox thing going to infiltrate my mental faculties? Next thing you know I’ll be giving up Battle Star Galatica to pray Compline. Ha!

Well, Monday morning came and I dragged myself up, something I have to force myself to do even at 7 or 8, and we drove down to the Church wondering if perhaps Father Patrick might be taking a Holiday as well. Thankfully he was not and when Matins began there were exactly six of us and only three of us were congregation. As Matins began something was rousing my thoughts. I couldn’t quite pin it down, but something was not quite right. Oh the singing was wonderful and the prayers as rich as ever, but something seemed so strangely odd to me. And then just as we stood and Father began to cense the Church I began to sense what it was that seemed so puzzling, so odd. You see in all of the ministries in which I had been involved over the years, I dare say that had three people shown up for a “service”, well I doubt there would have been any service at all. I mean, three people, it’s hardly worth the effort. And then it hit me–WHAM–it wouldn’t have mattered one wit to Father Patrick or to Doug or to whom ever was serving the Matin prayers and reading the Matin Psalms because nothing, absolutely nothing we were doing that morning had anything to do with US, it had everything to do with doing unto God. I have been so indoctrinated into a way of doing church that is all about the attendee. The music caters to the taste of the attender, the sermon is delivered for the sake of the hearer, the decor and comfort of the building are geared to attract the “seeker”. But the seeker of what? The True, Mighty, Holy God before whom we should fall on our faces as though dead? Or are we seeking a our selfish notions of what a god is and what he can do for ME?

Yes, if it had been Father Patrick alone, Matins would have been “served” and it would have been man, serving the God of all, as should be; as it must be; as it WILL be. Lord have mercy!

And Speaking of Music…

Going along with my post “Be Forewarned” regarding Eastern Orthodox music and how I feel so lost trying to learn it, by coincidence The Illumined Heart podcast has the following this week:

What is Authentic Orthodox Music?

Posted Friday, May 16, 2008

“You may be surprised by the answer from musicologist, composer, arranger, author and Sacred Music Department Committee member (Antiochian) Fr. John Finley!”

It’s a really interesting discussion and I highly recommend listening if you are interested in some facts behind the traditions. Just click on the title to go to the podcast page, or click HERE.

Photoblog Update

If you’re new to my blog you might not know that among my passions is photography. I have recently been adding some new photo’s to my on-line portfolio, so if you enjoy photography click HERE. Once you arrive at the blog you can view the complete portfolio by clicking on the “previous button” to work your way back through, or the “Gallery” button to see thumbnails of the complete collection. You can also leave me a comment if you find something the really like or hate!. Seriously, comments and criticisms are very welcome (just be kind).

Be Forewarned

This is a warning from the emergency musicians alert system: this is not a drill

If you are a musician and plan to visit and/or join the Antiochian Orthodox Church in America, be forewarned. Prepare to throw out everything you thought you knew about music; be it meter, scale and/or rhythm. We repeat this is not a drill!

I’m only kidding…sort of. When you first learn that the Orthodox Liturgy is almost entirely comprised of hymns and prayers, and that even many of the prayers are sung you might have in mind a very particular type of music. If you’ve come from a conservative tradition you might think of Hymns like “The Old Rugged Cross”. If you are of a more contemporary vein, Maranatha or Vineyard worship might spring to mind. You say you’re Catholic; well now-a-days that’s a crap shoot, depending on your priest you could be singing anything from Maranatha worship choruses to John Denver folk tunes-I kid not. All of these musical styles are based on a musical meter and scale which has “rules” that apply to 90% of the music we listen to. (I exclude jazz because I don’t believe that I’ve ever heard of a single church using free form jazz to facilitate worship, though that might be cool to hear. And because there are those who refuse to admit that traditional jazz is music at all.) No, when you step into Orthodoxy you step into a world where meter, and scale seemly do not exist. O’ I know they do, but as a western musician/song writer sometimes I can’t find them! Just when you think a song is going to go left, POW-it goes right then does a 360 and a back flip and ends up on a chord you’ve never heard of. For instance there is a unwritten “rule” in western music that a song almost always ends on the chord that matches the key of the song. So, if you’re in the key of C, you can almost bet your bottom dollar that the last chord of the song will be a C. Ok, it’s not always true and often depends on the arrangement of said song, but trust me for 80% of the worship chorus genre it is true. But in Orthodoxy, you might start in C and end up and the chord of K minor. (BTW, there is no such thing)

Seriously, I LOVE the music. It’s just that I almost wish I were musically illiterate. I keep wanting to put the songs in my meter or my scale. ME! ME! ME! Don’t they hear me stomping my cane in the back then crying out when the counting goes crazy. 1 2 3 - 1 2 3 - 1 5 7? What the?

I am amazed at our Chanters Lisa, Doug, & Jackson. They make it seem so effortless. And I know that it is not. They lead us with wonderful harmonies that bring so much beauty into the liturgy. I just hope that they can’t hear me in back vocally bouncing from note to note as I desperately try to make my mind conform to the seemingly alien scales. Or when a song ends and I keep singing because songs always go back to the chorus after the bridge darn it!!

These guys blow me away with their gifting, musical abilities and obvious passion for Christ. No matter the “Tone” of the week, I am always led to Christ by what they do and THAT should be what our music, no matter what the style, should be doing. Not entertaining us or even “moving” us to some particular emotional response; “let’s give God a clap offering!” Just point me to Christ and that is what they do. God be praised!

What is Salvation

Tonight we began a six week class at St. Peter’s on the subject of salvation. What it is, how we get it, and what is its point.

As I sat there listening to Fr. Patrick speaking it was like having someone standing along side of me and my wife whispering in my ear: “See, you’re not crazy, you’re NOT crazy!” As he spoke about the Churches roll in our journey of salvation it was like a glass of cold water on my parched throat and I began to cry. I’m sure he probably thought I was yawning or falling asleep when in fact I was feeling so…grateful. I have always believed that it was Jason’s and my teaching at a Wednesday night group we started at the Vineyard, where we first began to expound some if the “new” concepts we were learning, that eventually led to our being asked to leave the church in favor of new leadership. What an amazing joy it was to hear someone saying this has been the teaching of the Church from the beginning. Not because it made me feel right-after all these weren’t our concepts or some new theology we’d invented-but because it made me feel home.

For over 30 years I have studied and searched for the “New Testament” Church. And trust me, in my mind it didn’t look anything like this at all. Only to have God turn my world on its head just to find out that it has been right here all along. I don’t mean that to sound elitist or sectarian in any way. It’s not that I believe that the Orthodox Church is the sole purveyor of all truth and that no one else has access to it, that’s is not what I mean at all. It is just so hard to put into words how it feels to finally sense the discovery of a treasure you have been hunting for 3 decades and I just feel..grateful. Very, very grateful.

Worship in the Church

I really love Fr Stephen “Glory to God” blog. Where he gets the time to write as much as he does is beyond me. He doesn’t just fill his blog with trite sentimentality’s like some people I know (ME!!), but his words are so often like soothing salve on my soul. As a former Vineyard Worship Pastor, where hey-we knew worship, I am constantly amazed how little I really understood of the nature of true worship. Below is a snippet of what Fr. Stepehen wrote today, I encourage you to click the link to read the complete text.

“But the Church does not gather to rehearse bare facts: it gathers to worship. In its worship it affirms as much of the fullness of the faith as has been given to us - in Scripture - in doctrine - in the whole of Tradition. The Church does not stop with the facts for the facts point beyond themselves to eternal truth - and it is this eternal Truth that the Church proclaims.

Thus in Orthodox worship, Christ is almost always mentioned together with His Father and the Holy Spirit, for now the Church proclaims the fullness of the Trinitarian faith. We can do no less. We cannot speak of the Cross without at the same time saying all that the Cross has accomplished.”

May it be ever so.

Amen

My Greatest Fear

There is a profound difference between being a person who is smart or educated - a person who has learned what to do in a given situation, and being a person who is wise - a person who has become someone who acts rightly out of true character. Some of the smartest people I’ve know in this life, proved by their actions to be very unwise. Up to this point in my life I would unfortunately have to place myself into the latter category as well. Not that I am particularly well educated, I was within one or two classes of obtaining an A.S. in Horticulture in college many moons ago, but to be honest I’m really more of a “Jack of all trades master of none” kind of guy. I know a great deal about many things, but have mastered very little, expect the uncanny ability to return to the Pig Pen God has rescued me from over and over again in my 53 years.

It matters little that while entrenched in the slop of my sin I have cried out to God as a slave cries out for his freedom; the memories of the cold and stench seem to fade so quickly. And once I am warm, dry and safe and have a belly full of the goodness and fatness of living in the land of promise, I have found myself either in a place of forgetting the stench and prison that is the pig pen - “Was is really that cold, that smelly, that confining?” Or, I find myself complacent about continuing on and getting as far from the slop as God will take me. I find a clean, warm spot and settle into mediocrity, far from the Theosis the Fathers spoke of.

I have said often that when we left the Evangelical church I discovered to my amazement that my spiritual life was like a lake 5 miles wide but only 2 inches deep. Oh it looked good on the surface, deep and blue, but I found that the actions of doing “ministry” accounted for most of my feelings of well being spiritually speaking. Instead of knowing God, I was doing FOR God the things I substituted for relational knowledge. Very little wisdom there. And now here I am, far away from the slop of the pig pen, praying that this time, I will neither return as a dog returns to its vomit, to the sin that so easily enslaves me, nor remain content to substitute the liturgy, the prayers, bowing, crossing and veneration’s for what they all meant to point us too, a true relational knowledge of the one who can fill us with the true life of the very God of gods. “Wisdom. Let us attend!”

That is my greatest fear as we approach Orthodoxy. That I will simply return to old unwise patterns of living and substitute “smarts” (what actions I learn to do) for true wisdom (what the actions are meant to help me become).

Lord have mercy upon me and neither allow me to forget the stench of the pen and return to my sin, nor let me become content with who I am. No Lord, let me not rest until I behold like in a mirror, Thy likeness.

Amen

“What have you done with my Wife?”

Today is my beautiful wife Barbara’s birthday. I’d tell which one but I’ve become very fond of the use my fingers, so I’d better not reveal any more. I have said often in my blog, that she is God’s perfect gift to me. What I mean by that is that God knew exactly what I needed to pull me out of the mess I had made of my life and Barb is that perfect gift. I love her more then she knows and only wish I was stronger and more able to take some of the pressure of her having to work so hard from off her shoulders. But she NEVER complains. Even on those days when she comes home from work tried and i’ve been too worn down to cook or the house is a mess. She just loves and me and gives more of herself to me. It’s one of the reasons that I hesitated to begin attending Orthodox services on a regular basis until that last 3 months or so. Yes I had been going to St. Luke’s for Great Vespers and an occasional Sunday morning Matins service, but without Barb by my side, it just wasn’t whole. When I began to attend St. Peter’s a few months back, several times I sat in the service loving what was happening around me, but at the same time deeply dejected inside, missing her presence with me.

However a transformation began to take place several months ago when she decided to go to a few services. I knew from things we had spoken about that she had many misgivings, and that many of those where issues I had shared early on but had since resolved for myself. I knew also that she was afraid of being hurt again. There was a great deal of wounding from some who had been very close to us when we left the Vineyard and though she had dealt with all that, she feared allowing herself to become close to new friends, lest the wounds be opened again. But to her praise she pressed forward and I began to see an excitement and love re-kindle in Barb, a sparkle in her, if you will. It started when she decided to read “facing East” By Frederica Green. Then shortly after beginning to read Frederica’s account of being “dragged kicking and screaming” into the Orthodox Church, we had occasion to sit and talk with Fr. Patrick who told us the story of his own wife’s reluctance as he journeyed towards the Church. As we talked, it was clear Fr. Patrick knew just what Barb needed to hear and as he spoke, she cried an so did I.

Soon she was doing mad things like ordering an Orthodox Bible! What the??? Then I came home one afternoon and found out she had ordered an Icon of Christ and a few informational pamphlets from Conciliar Press. Suddenly she was talking about an Icon corner in our home! Then one Sunday morning out of the corner of my eye, I saw: No I must have been mistaken-did she just cross herself? Weeks later I discovered she had found out how to download Orthodox podcasts from Ancient Faith Radio and put them on her iphone. She was listening to them on the way home from work! But even in the face of all this evidence, I think i was living in a state of denial. I kept waiting for the proverbial “other shoe” to drop. You know, a “yeah I like it but…”; But the “but” never came. Then just yesterday we were driving down the 5 freeway to attend a conference for Barb’s work when about 6 PM she asked, “Do you want to listen to the hours for today? What? My head was reeling. And in a flash there we were driving down the 5 freeway, listening to the recorded Vespers readings and prayers from AFR.

Will she? Okay here it comes… “Oh come let us worship and bow down before Christ our king…” Yep, she’s doing it. She’s crossing herself right here in the car and now so am I. Our arms are flailing and our hearts are full. Barb is even reaching down to touch the floor of the car. All I can say is if anyone saw us they must have thought we’d gone nuts.

Well, maybe we have, and I love it, and I love her, and I love our new Church and I love our Father in heaven who knew all along where and when we needed to to what we are doing. Wow, I’m just so blown away by it all. Happy Birthday Baby, Why is it that I got the present this year?

Thomas

We are coming to the end of Bright Week and although I must confess the break from 3 services an hour was nice, it was also wonderful to go to Great Vespers last night. It was nice to see those we hadn’t seen in the week past and wonderful to bask in the prayers of the victory of Christ.

Last night many of our prayers centered on one of my favorite of the Disciples: Thomas. Over my life I have gone from being what my Mom used to call a “chronic pessimist”, to a fledgling skeptic, to a complete cynic. It not something for which I am bragging; in fact it is one of my greatest hopes to change, rather it just means I can relate to Thomas and his “doubts”. I take great comfort in the mercy Jesus showed to him. He didn’t turn away from him and say “After everything you’ve seen, if you can’t believe then leave! ” instead he gave him his hands and bid him to thrust his hand into his side. What must that have been like? To touch the God/Man’s very wounds? Not with the hands of strength and faith, but with the quivering hands of doubt and skepticism. Why didn’t he drop dead at touching the Holy? Oh the mercy of God. The Creator of all, wonded for our failings, allowing the failure of faith to touch for itself the very power of creation. “My King and my God!”

Thank you for your mercy oh Father, may I believe yet having not touched. Amen

Collecting My Thoughts

I wanted to collect my overall impressions of the Paschal season we are just now coming out of while the memories are still fresh. They seem to fade much more quickly these last few years. I wrote in my blog at the very beginning of Lent, just after Forgiveness Sunday, that I thought this was going to be a time of change in my spiritual life. I now believe it has been a profound one. These past 50 or so days have impacted me on such a deep level that I can’t even find the correct words to express what I want to say.

I have meet the Lord in the quiet of my heart and seen Him in the shouts of His people. “Truly He is risen!” I have looked upon Him in the prostrations of a 5 year old girl before the cross and felt Him in the kisses of total strangers. I have tasted the sustenance of His mercy in the Friendship Bread. I have felt the warmth of His light on my face from the Pascha candle and known His friendship in the hand shake of new and welcome family. I have kissed His feet, cried tears of repentance, looked deep into His eyes staring back at me from behind the glasses of a kind Father and believed His Gospel message in song and prayer.

Christ is Risen and Jesus is Lord! His Kingdom is come and I will never be the same again. Thank you all who took part and thank you my Father God for being so merciful to me a sinner. Holy is His name!

Amen

Where is the Devil when you need him?

Well my 2nd Pascha service was even more wonderful then my first. That’s not meant as a comparison of St Luke’s to St. Peter’s, it’s just that this year I was so ready and expectant of God’s presence and I was certainly not disappointed. If you’ve never experienced Orthodox Pascha, all I can say is that it is truly an amazing time. Being at St. Peter’s this year allowed me an interesting vantage point from which to view the happenings.

We meet in a building that is above a parking garage with the steepest staircase in the universe! I kid not. To go up the stairs my wife literally places her hands on my rear and gives me a gentle shove to get up every step. As much as I like having her hands on my butt, it is still a very difficult climp. What this means is once I’m up stairs, I don’t go down again unless were heading home. Since there are several times during Holy week when the faithful follow the Cross and the Gospel out and down the stairs, I hang out and just watch from the balcony.

During the Pascal service there is a pivotal point that comes fairly early; a hinge pin if you will, where the faithful are transformed from the solemnity of mourning the death of the Hope of the World to the celebration of His New Creation. It begins with the church being plunged into almost complete darkness; the prayers are quiet and pleading. Then a single candle is lit at the altar and soon that one flame spreads throughout the entire room; The light of world is coming. The congregation then follows the Cross and the Gospel out of the Church and down the street singing (at 12 midnight) of the hope of resurrection. Once everyone has gone out the transformation in the church begins. People are running everywhere so that when the faithful return, they come into a transformed church of light, color, flowers– of life. It is truly an wonderful thing to see.

And now everything hinges on one important exchange. The Priest, who represents Christ to the congregation after leading several songs and prayers outside bangs hard upon the doors of the church exclaiming “Open wide ye gates. Be lifted up ye Everlasting Doors that the king of Glory may enter in!” At this point someone from inside has to play the part of the Devil and shout back “Who is this king of Glory?” Only one problem… no one inside knows who is the Devil this year! In years past this has apparently been done by a very nice, large brother with a “manly” voice by the name of Barry, but Barry is now where to be found. Panic is beginning to set in, Where is the devil? I can see the look in the faces of the women who are following along in the liturgy books. It’s almost here! who is the Devil this year? I don’t know! What if Father Patrick calls out but and there is no answer? Where is the Devil when you need him?

At the last moment in strolls Barry seemingly calm and unaware of the panic that had been taking hold of those inside. He steps up to the door with only a moment to spare. BAM! BAM! BAM! Just in time. Wow, was that close. The doors fly open and in come the Faithful having gone from the darkness of sorrow to the light of hope fulfilled! “Christ is risen!” “Truly he has risen!”

The remainder of the service is very difficult to describe. It’s almost like orchestrated chaos. Several different small choirs singing, the Priest stepping out from the altar shouting “Christ has Risen!”; in several different languages, while the choirs are singing and the people shouting back lifting their candles in the airs Truly he has risen!” Wow! Easter as it should be.

Baptism Service

Today we were present for a Baptismal litrugy where several friends we’re Chrismated into the Church. All I could think about the whole time is “this is way it should be” and “man I wish my baptism had been done with this kind of intention and meaning.”

These were taken with my iphone, the coolest!

Pascha at St. Peters

Here are a few quick images I caught with my iphone. Sorry for the noise it was REALLY dark in there. Oh yeah and awesome as well.  Click to enlarge.

Easter with Meaning

Well, Holy Week has begun and I am already overwhelmed by the depth of the services we are experiencing. Having grown up in church, I have been to over 50 Easter worship services and I can honestly say that I left everyone feeling as if we had missed something. I can’t really explain it much more then that. We said the right things and sang all the right songs but, for me at least, the true meaning of the death and resurrection of the Lord of Glory almost seemed like just another Sunday. I am so loving our Pascha experience this year. The prayers, the music, the readings, are all so full and so overflowing. All I can say is that I this year I know

I won’t leave the season having missed a thing.